“I’m Struggling… But I’m Not Sure Why?”

This time of year often highlights changes in our lives: transitioning seasons, shifting schedules (especially if you have children returning to school), and preparing for the busy end-of-year obligations. I often hear clients say they “just feel off” and aren’t sure why. Let’s explore some factors that could be impacting your day-to-day life and shed some light on why you may feel like you’re struggling right now.

Expectations of “What Should Be”

Let’s be honest, most people have an unspoken timeline for how they want their lives to look. Oftentimes, things don’t go according to plan, and the grief related to that unspoken timeline can take up a lot of space in our lives. Adjusting to a different, or completely unexpected, timeline can feel incredibly challenging.

Is it time to examine the timeline you’re using to judge your life and accomplishments by? Does there need to be a consideration of letting go of unrealistic expectations? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should have no expectations for yourself, but sometimes the expectations we use to measure ourselves just aren’t fair. It’s important to create space for yourself and honor where you currently are.

My dad would always ask, “Are you judging yourself against others, or are you judging yourself against YOU?” He would remind me that “there will always be someone ‘more’ or ‘less than’ you. Comparing yourself to someone with totally different circumstances and life experiences isn’t helpful. Are you focusing on yourself and moving forward in what’s right for you?” That perspective has always stuck with me.

The more we compare ourselves to others, focus on what we lack, and see ourselves as “less than,” the more likely we are to feel stuck and like we are struggling. Sometimes, changing our perspective on what we want and need is the first step toward relief.

Old Wounds May Be Unknowingly Resurfacing

One of the first questions I ask clients who feel like they’re struggling but aren’t sure why is: “Has anything happened around this time of year that your body may be reacting to?” Often, the answer is yes. Reflecting on past experiences around this time of year can be incredibly insightful. Our bodies are skilled at reacting to anniversaries of past situations, often before our minds even recognize it.

Identifying times of year that have historically been more difficult doesn’t mean you have to fear resurfacing emotions. Instead, it can help you approach yourself with more compassion and understand why you might feel like you’re struggling even when “everything is fine.”

If you are a parent, or have children in your life, it can also help to consider your own experiences at your child’s current age. Perhaps you faced challenges or lacked support at that age, and seeing your child in a similar stage can trigger old emotions. Sometimes the trauma is noticing what you didn’t have at that age– a loving parent supporting the big emotions of a child, physical needs being met, or the innocence of a child being a child. 

Exploring the needs you had at the age that your child is can offer valuable insight about why you may feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or just stuck in a funk. Tending to both your child and your own past needs can provide healing and clarity.

The Myth of Progress Being Linear

Isra Al-Thibeh once said, “Darling, the moon is still the moon in all of its phases.” I love this visual and it’s a great reminder that even when you feel or look different, you are still yourself. I often hear people talk about how their progress feels stalled, slow, or “like it won’t ever happen.” This makes total sense…  of course you want to be in a place where the feeling of struggle is gone, changes have been made, and you feel content in where your life is!

Try to give yourself space when you are in a phase of struggle that feels different from previous experiences. So often, the discomfort you feel is the catalyst for meaningful change happening in your life. There’s no way to “hack” the system to progress at a perfectly consistent pace. Trust yourself and the work you’re putting in!

A Little Reminder: You’re Doing What You Can

We live in a fast-moving society that sends the message we should always be moving forward without any stumbling. It’s okay to remind yourself that progress doesn’t have to look a certain way, and that moving at your own pace is still moving forward.

If you need additional support right now, reach out to Willow Counseling to see if we might be a good fit. 🫶